


Directionless

by DemyxDancer



Series: Professionals [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort, Gen, Post-Episode: s06e10 Prickly Pair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22013356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemyxDancer/pseuds/DemyxDancer
Summary: Steven Universe may have no idea what he's doing with his life, but when he's with the Little Homeworld crew, at least he's in good company.Alternately: Steven is a young adult now, and there's nothing a young adult needs more than like-minded people to complain about life with.[Post Prickly-Pair]
Series: Professionals [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573660
Comments: 31
Kudos: 157





	Directionless

**BismuthTime:** hey steven

Steven, having just woken up from sleep, looked at the message from Bismuth suspiciously. 

The day before, he had gone straight to bed after having created a cactus monster that repeated all of his least charitable thoughts about the rest of the Crystal Gems. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t talk to them. Not after all the things that he had said, that the monster had repeated.

Instead, he lay awake in bed, wondering where his life had gone so wrong.

It just didn’t make any sense. How could things somehow be  _ harder _ now that he had saved the Galaxy and brought peace to the Gem Empire? Trying to live up to his mother’s legacy had been a terrible idea, but at least it had been a goal. At least he felt like he was accomplishing something.

Now… he had spent several weeks primarily sitting in his greenhouse tending to plants, and he couldn’t even do  _ that _ right. 

The other Gems had it all figured out. Pearl had made peace with her feelings for Rose, Garnet had strengthened her internal relationship and gotten married, and Amethyst had found her true calling in helping Gems find their way at Little Homeschool. The other Gems he knew were all the same way. They had jobs and niches and hobbies and friends, and here was Steven Universe, who had somehow along the way lost all of that and become a big directionless loser.

So he wasn’t particularly eager to talk to Bismuth, who had a job she loved and a group of friends. He  _ really _ didn’t need or want a lecture by a Gem in a better place than him right now.

Still, Bismuth almost certainly did mean well. The remnants of the part of him who always wanted to help took over his fingers and answered the message.

**Steven:** Hi Bis what’s up

**BismuthTime:** i could really use some help at the forge if you’re not too busy

**BismuthTime:** something about your house getting partially destroyed

With a pang of guilt he looked down towards the gaping hole in the front of the beach house. He should definitely be helping to fix that, considering it was his fault. 

On the other hand, he wondered what the Crystal Gem who had tipped Bis off -- probably Pearl -- had said about the  _ cause _ of the disaster. 

**Steven:** Sorry, I know I should help, but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.

**BismuthTime:** no one’s asking you to talk

**BismuthTime:** i’m asking if you have time to work

Steven stared down at his phone. Bismuth was generally sincere with him. If she really meant for him to work and not discuss his feelings, it wasn’t the worst idea in the world to take her up on the offer. It would at least get him out of the house, where eventually one of the Gems who lived there -- again, probably Pearl -- would want to talk about everything that happened.

**Steven:** Well, okay. I can head on over.

**BismuthTime:** great, i’ll teach you how to make rivets

Steven put his phone away and peered down into the house to see if the coast was clear. There wasn’t a single Gem in sight, so he walked downstairs to the warp pad, setting his destination for Little Homeworld.

In his mental fog, he hadn’t noticed that the weather outside was a torrential downpour, and he was soaked immediately on arrival. Maybe he should suggest to Bis that she build a roof over the warp pad. He covered his head with his jacket and ran to the forge.

He was immediately greeted with a blast of dry heat as he opened the door, which was very welcome given how sopping wet his clothes were. Otherwise, entering the forge did not do much to repair his melancholy mood, as he was immediately reminded that he hadn’t been there to visit in a very long time.

“Steven!” called Bismuth cheerfully, as she pounded something into shape on her anvil. “Good to see you!”

“Good to see you too, Bis,” said Steven, and he mostly meant it.

“Here, let me finish up with this and I’ll show you how to make rivets.”

“Okay.” Steven looked around the forge at the weapons that lined the walls. These days, they were mostly gathering dust or hidden behind piles of construction materials. Little Homeworld had been completed, but there was always maintenance or new additions to work on. At least, he assumed; he hadn’t been keeping up with any of it for the past month or so.

He waited patiently as Bismuth completed whatever she was working on and led him over to a smaller anvil nearby. She gave him safety equipment -- safety equipment that she had made especially for him around the same time she had moved her forge to Little Homeworld. It was thankfully was adjustable so that it still fit. She showed him how to pour molten metal into the blanks and hammer out a rivet head, which he had to admit was quite satisfying.

“This seems pretty easy,” said Steven, finishing up a batch. “Couldn’t you just do this yourself?”

“Of course I can,” said Bismuth, “but I can’t be in two places at once. If you’re doing that, it frees me up for other things.” Bismuth put down her hammer and looked at Steven. “Sometimes Peridot likes to help me make those things. She says it helps her clear her head.”

Steven’s brow furrowed. “I’m not--”

Bismuth put up her hands. “I’m not saying anything. Just that Peridot likes to make rivets. Your mileage may vary.”

Steven stared down at the rivets he had made. He considered telling Bismuth everything. He considered fleeing the forge and running back to his room.

He made more rivets.

“How are you doing over there?” said Bismuth.

The bucket was nearly full. He had lost track of time. How many rivets had he made? How had he been so productive when totally spaced out? “I’m doing fine.”

“Good. We probably have enough now.”

“Enough for what? Are you going to use these to fix the house?”

“I was thinking of it,” said Bismuth. “It seems to get destroyed a fair amount, so I was thinking of redoing at least your front wall in metal. Let me see what else I can have you work on.”

“You don’t have to find work for me,” said Steven, anger bubbling in him once again. He was just being a burden on a Gem, again.

“I’m not finding work for you,” said Bismuth. “This is work that needs to get done. If you don’t want to do it, you’re free to leave.”

Steven looked her in the eye. She looked back, stern and serious. Steven was the one to flinch. “All right.”

“Great. Let me find the little molds, I have some metal I want to make into small ingots,” she said.

Steven watched her root around on one of her cluttered shelves. He felt a sudden pang of jealousy. Another Gem who had her role, who knew exactly what she was doing with her life.

The words were out of his mouth before he could think twice.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, Bis.”

She didn’t even turn around. “If you mean making ingots, I already said I was going to teach you that. If you mean in general, then boy, do I hear you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I have no idea what I’m doing either,” she said, finally finding the mold she was looking for.

“What do you mean?” Frustration filled Steven’s voice. “You’ve got your job. You’ve got your friends. You’ve got your forge. You’re doing great! ...aren’t you?”

Bismuth leaned against her anvil thoughtfully. “Yeah, I have all those things. Doesn’t mean I somehow always know what I’m doing.” She looked wistfully up at the swords lining the walls. “I used to make weapons. Great weapons. I was the best there was. I fought Homeworld scum, too, and I was one of the best at that. Now, I don’t do either of those things.” She looked away. “Now, I sit in this forge and make construction materials most of the day. A lot of this can be done easily by someone with barely any training, as you’ve proven. Sometimes, I wish…” She trailed off. “So if you think I’ve got it all figured out just because I have a job, no. No, that’s not it at all.”

“Do you… want the war back?” said Steven.

“Do you?” said Bismuth.

“Of course… not,” said Steven, much more weakly than he had intended. He didn’t want the war back, obviously -- the constant fear of Homeworld invasion, the harsh oppression of any Gems who were even slightly different. 

But he had had purpose then. A goal. Something to work for. 

“I… kind of do see where you’re coming from, Bis,” said Steven.

Before they could continue their talk, a bright green Gem entered the forge, the points of her hair sagging from the weight of rainwater. “Steven!” said Peridot, excitedly. “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Yeah, I guess not,” said Steven, happy to see Peridot despite himself. 

“What brings you to the forge?” she said, unsuccessfully trying to shake the water from her hair.

“I was helping Bismuth with a few things. Making rivets.”

Peridot’s eyes grew wide. “That’s  _ my _ job.” She turned to Bismuth accusingly. “Bis, how could you?”

“Sorry, Peri,” Bismuth laughed. “Steven looked like he was in need of something to do.”

Peridot mock-glared at Steven. “I’ll allow it. Just this once!” She perched herself on top of a spare anvil in the corner. “What’re you guys talking about?”

Steven considered excusing himself. He didn’t regret the discussion he’d had with Bismuth, but he hadn’t signed up for sharing his feelings with Peridot, too.

“We were just discussing how I have no idea what I’m doing with my life,” said Bismuth.

“Oh, that’s a great topic!” said Peridot, lighting up. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life either!” she said, in a cheerful tone more suited to announcing a great success.

“What?” said Steven. “Peri, you’re Chief Technician. You  _ love _ engineering. Little Homeworld has tons of stuff to do. How can you not know what you’re doing with your life?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she said, still smiling. “Just that I’ve been an emotional wreck around Lapis and none of my projects have worked for weeks.”

“Oh,” said Steven. He hadn’t had a proper visit with the Little Homeworld crew for a long time, and he was starting to realize that he had no idea what was going on with them.

“I thought your portable warp pad was coming along okay,” said Bismuth.

“I accidentally teleported Zircs halfway across the galaxy,” said Peridot.

“...was that a successful test or not?”

“No, that definitely was a mistake. In my defense, I did get her back!”

“You’re working on a portable warp pad, Peridot?” asked Steven.

“Yeah!” she said. “You should help me test it.”

“Uh…” said Steven, deciding to change the subject. “It seems like you’re still working on technology, though. Just because it has some problems doesn’t mean that you don’t know what you’re doing with your life.”

“It does when you can’t get anything to work right!” said Peridot, curling into a tiny ball of stress. 

“I’m sure you’ll get it working eventually,” said Steven, trying to help.

“Don’t even say that!” said Peridot, digging her fingers into her already bedraggled hair. “You don’t know anything about this tech. It might  _ never _ work. You’re just saying an empty platitude to try to make me feel better!”

“I guess I am,” Steven admitted. “Sorry, Peri. I would’ve never guessed you felt like that.”

“Maybe you should come around more often, then,” said Bismuth.

Steven scowled, not appreciating the sudden pang of guilt.

Before he could respond, the door to the forge opened again. Zircon entered, soaking wet, and without looking at anyone, immediately sat down on a bench with arms crossed and an utterly despondent look on her face.

“Oh, hi, Zircs,” said Steven.

“I’ve got this, Steven,” said Peridot. She went and sat down next to Zircon. “It’s okay that you lost a case.”

“That’s three in a row now, Peridot!”

“Your win ratio is still fine.”

“It’s  _ dropping.” _

“You’ve lost three cases in a row tons of times and it always turned out fine.”

“You don’t  _ know _ that!” said Zircon, drowning in despair. “This could be  _ it. _ The signal that I’ve lost my touch! Maybe I’m just going to keep losing cases forever and my win ratio will drop into the negatives and there will be nothing left for me but to give up for the rest of my life, because that’s a choice we can make now in Era 3. Giving up.” She finally noticed Steven standing there. “Oh, hi Steven. Haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Hi, Zircs,” he tried again. “Are you okay?”

“She’s fine,” said Bismuth. “She always gets this way when she loses a case.”

“You know what, Bis?” said Zircon, voice full of earnest seriousness. “Someday will be the day I win the very last case I’ll ever win, and I won’t even know it. It will feel like an ordinary good day, but it will be the very last time I’ll ever be successful in my life. Have you ever thought about that?”

“That’s… really bleak,” said Bismuth.

“Huh,” said Steven. When was the last time he had successfully helped someone with a problem? Those Lapis Lazulis? That was mostly Lapis. Jasper? That was months ago. Had he even really helped Jasper?

“Oh great, now you’ve got him thinking about it,” said Peridot. “We were supposed to be cheering him up and you ruined it!”

“We were?” Zircon fidgeted with her monocle. “Oh stars, I’ve messed that up too.”

“Were we really cheering him up or just complaining about not knowing what to do with our lives?” asked Bismuth.

“Oh, I can do  _ that _ part,” said Zircon, with considerably more cheerfulness. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life!”

“What? How?” said Steven. “Just because you lost a case?”

“Did you miss the entire despair spiral? I thought I laid out my catastrophizing fairly well.”

“You did, yeah,” said Peridot, nodding.

“Not only that, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing outside of my career. Three years ago I didn’t even know there  _ was _ an outside of my career!”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” said Steven. “I can see where you’re coming from. Worrying you’ve lost your touch.” He looked down at his hands. Jasper probably didn’t count. With Volleyball, he had made the situation  _ worse. _ It had been a  _ long _ time since he’d really successfully helped someone, hadn’t it?

The door opened one more time, and Lapis Lazuli came in from the rain, looking exactly the same as she always did. “Hey guys, I thought I heard you all talking in here. What’s up?”

“Hey Lapis,” said Peridot. “Do you know what you’re doing with your life?”

Lapis stared at Peri a beat, then threw her head back in laughter. 

“Uh, Lapis?” said Steven.

She paused her laughing. “Oh, hi, Steven! I haven’t seen you in so long.” She resumed laughing, wiping tears out of her eyes. “Know what I’m doing with my life! That’s a good one!”

Steven couldn’t help but smile a bit. Out of all the Little Homeworld Gems, Lapis not knowing what she was doing with her life was the least surprising.

“So you see, Steven,” said Peridot. “None of us have any clue! So it’s okay if you don’t, either.”

“Is it, though?” said Steven.

Bismuth shrugged. “If it isn’t, at least you’re in good company, right?”

Steven finally allowed himself a genuine, full smile. “Yeah, I guess so.” He sat down on one of the spare anvils. “You guys are so different from Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. They all seem like they have it so together these days.”

“Hm, I don’t think so,” said Bismuth. “I’ve known Garnet and Pearl for hundreds of years. If they’ve  _ actually _ worked through everything going on with them, I’ll eat this bucket of rivets.”

“And Amethyst is really happy helping Gems at Little Homeschool, but she also seems really stressed all of the time,” said Peridot. “I think she kind of misses having so much free time to just goof off.”

“She probably does, yeah,” said Steven. “I didn’t even really notice that. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own problems.” There was that pang of guilt again.

Lapis put a hand on his shoulder. “Steven, it’s okay to take some time to work out your own issues. At least, that’s what you said to me. If it’s okay for me, why wouldn’t it be okay for you?”

“I… guess,” said Steven. “But helping people with their problems is what I do. It’s what I’m good at!”

“Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you need to do that same thing forever, for the rest of your life,” said Bismuth. “You can grow. You can change. You can burn out.”

“That’s Earth!” said Peridot. “Really, Steven, you should know this by now. You were the one who taught  _ me _ about growing and changing.”

“I guess I did, yeah.”

“If you ask me, rescuing me from my old job and converting me to the Crystal Gems was important enough to get you off the hook for helping anyone ever again. But then you went and helped all these guys too! Now maybe it’s our turn to help you.”

Steven frowned. “I don’t want help.”

“How about people to complain about how much life sucks with?” said Lapis.

“Maybe,” he said. “Yeah, I could probably do that.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” said Bismuth. “You’re welcome here even if you’re  _ not _ going to complain about how much life sucks. Whether you want help or not, we all do care about you.”

“And don’t you forget it!” said Peridot.

“I won’t,” said Steven. “Promise.”


End file.
